Nightmares. 11.24.

(frightening and disturbing.)

i can see it. every night it haunts me, tearing me from the inside. slowly injecting poison into the weakest part of my soul. it brings me to my knees and scolds my tender heart. it starts the same, ends the same.

i'm alone. in my room with 4 blank walls and a single bed in the middle of the room. I wake, and turn to see my surroundings. to my left, nothing. to my right, a shiny silver razor. i rise from the sheets and tiptoe as if it may disappear any second. i suddenly grow tired with every step and fall next to the blade. I grasp it with my right hand, and rise it slowly until the cold metal touches my tender wrist. the scars still remain. I see them. i press it, slowly, painfully, deeper and deeper, until the pain pierces through my body. the blood drips as i cry out into the emptiness. i want to stop, i'm happy now. i dont need this pain, i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. but even then, i press harder. Even as I write this I get the chills as I think back to all the empty nights filled with pain and regret. The tears streak my flustered cheeks and the walls grow red  with my blood and the smell of iron floods the room. I cry out again and again with no reply. I grow weary and before I wake, I hear the voice. His voice. "Your alone now. I've seen your hideous face one to many times. Suffer. Die. Regret. It's only what you deserve."

I'm happy now. I am. He's now a faint memory. Why? Why can't I let this go?