i need therapy.

i'm so lost. i'm so fucking broken beyond repair. these voices in my mind get louder and more painful. they pierce the skin of my fragile heart. i want to cry so badly right now. i can't though. i taught myself i can't cry. i fucking can't show that emotion anymore. i've had people tell me that i can't be weak and i can't be vulnerable or ever have anything wrong with me. i fucking take the weight of everyones problems on myself. they all come to me telling me how fucked up their life is when in all reality it's their own fault. i know my life isn't as bad as the starving kids in africa or the ghetto kids who get raped by their older brothers or anything like that, but my life isn't perfect like you think. i'm so fucking hurt. they can't see the pain by the mask i wear because i wear it so well, they don't know how many times a day i contemplate whether my life is worth it or not. they don't know the first fucking thing about being dropped on your ass, completely left for shit. they don't know the pain of being lonely and unwanted. they don't fucking know how messed up one person has to be to believe they only deserve to be beaten and want that. to want to have someone to hit them if it means that for one minute a day that person just pretends to like them. they don't know the pain of a little girl that won't forget the cries of everything around her and being forced to grow up and never get the childhood everyone else got. they don't understand how deeply scarred i am on my skin and in my heart. why the fuck am i so fucked up? i want to be okay. i want to fucking be okay. please, i'm going insane right now. i'm losing it all inside of my mind. i can't stay like this forever. i need fixed.